send back letters from the wasteland home
by summerofsoaps
Summary: Johnny sends Lulu a wedding gift, and with it, a note. Lulu writes him a thank you letter in return and a correspondence blossoms.
1. The Wedding Gift

Lulu's been home from New York, and her impromptu wedding to Dante, for a week when she finds a thick manila envelope stuck in the door of the loft. It just says, "Lulu," in bold, familiar strokes. She checks her watch. Dante isn't due home for hours. With shaking fingers, Lulu opens the envelope. Inside, there's a CD case and a letter.

_Lulu,_

_I hear congratulations are in order. I wanted to get you a gift but wasn't sure what was appropriate. I recently acquired a new piano, and when I was going through my old sheet music, I found this and decided to make a recording. I hope you enjoy it._

_ I think you can do better than Dante, but I wish you all the happiness in the world._

_Johnny_

The CD says, simply, "Lulu's Song." She walks to the stereo and puts it on. As the first beautiful notes wash over her, she sinks to the floor, remembering. This is the song Johnny wrote for her when he was Sonny's hostage.

There was a time when Lulu thought she would marry Johnny. She listens to his song, her song, _their_ song, and her sobs create an ugly harmony.


	2. Dear Johnny

Dear Johnny,

I'm just writing to thank you for your gift. It meant more to me than you could ever know. I've listened to the CD several times already, and I've imported it onto my computer and even put it on my iPod. It's weird, and I don't know why I'm even telling you this, but the first time I heard it I started crying. I don't know why. It just hit me all of a sudden how young we were, and so in love, and now here I am, married to Dante and you're… well, I don't know what you're doing, Johnny, to be honest.

The second time I listened to it, though, I found myself smiling. I started thinking about all the good times we had. Remember that New Year's Eve? We were sitting outside on that bench by my old apartment, just cuddling, and it starting snowing like a miracle. You picked me up and twirled me around and we were both so filled with joy. That was one of the simplest, happiest moments of my life. Oh my God, I sound sappy.

Anyway, the point is, I loved your gift. I'm so happy that you have a piano now and you're playing again. You're so talented and I know how important music is to you. I know you don't like Dante, but I _am_ happy, and you deserve to be happy, too. I hope your music is just a first step on the road to the fulfilling life that you deserve.

Thank you again.

Sincerely,

Lulu

P.S. - I can't believe I wrote all that. Somehow it makes it easier, writing it all down instead of talking face to face. It's anonymous, but not really, since obviously you know it's from me. It's still scary, putting all of that truth and emotion out there. I'm tempted not to send you this but I think I'm going to go through with it.

I've always been able to tell you how I feel without worrying you'd judge me. I still miss talking to you. Things were so bad after we broke up but I always hoped that eventually we could be friends. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, if you want, you can consider this letter an offering of friendship.


	3. Penpals

Dear Friend,

I think you can tell from my salutation what my response is to your generous offer. I couldn't turn down a chance to be your friend after all this time, Lulu. I'm sorry it took me a few days to respond. I was torn because I really want to be your friend but I worry that I'm not a good friend for you to have, any more than I was a good boyfriend. Maybe we can just keep this in letters? That way you won't be exposed to any of my enemies.

When I was a kid, I had a penpal for a while. My piano teacher set it up. My penpal's name was Christopher. He lived in Australia and he played the cello. We wrote back and forth for almost a year. I told him things I'd never told anyone, not even Claudia, and he shared all the details of his life with me. It was kind of like you said in your letter, writing everything down made my feelings safe to say. For the first time in my life, I had a friend. And then my father found one of the letters. He called me a pussy and a faggot and made fun of me for writing love letters to a foreign boy. All of a sudden, I was ashamed. I stopped writing to Christopher. He wrote me a few times after that, asking why I had disappeared, but I never responded and I guess he eventually gave up.

I remember the good times that we had, too, Lulu. Since I sent you that CD, I've played the song on the piano over and over again. Every time I play it, I picture you. I see your smile and I hear your laughter. When we broke up, I was so cruel to you, but it was just as hard on me as it was on you. I thought, I knew, that I was keeping you safe but cutting you out of my life like that… it was so hard. You are the only true friend that I have ever had. (Not counting Christopher, I suppose.) It's not easy for me to open up to people, but I could always talk to you. And I felt like you could open up to me, too. I loved listening to you talk, hearing your opinions. I want to know what you think about these days, what you're doing, what happens in your day.

It's so weird. I never expected you to send me a thank you note, let alone a letter. Your offer of friendship totally blindsided me. I only meant to give you a present, to let you know how much you've meant to me. Now it's like I'm the one receiving a gift, another chance to have you in my life as my friend. If it's not too silly, I would love it if we could be penpals. That is, if you're interested. And, of course, if it's okay with your new husband.

Thank you so much.

Your new (old) friend,

Johnny


End file.
